Adventures In Parodyverse: Moving In, Part 1

Disclaimer: This is my attempt at a very strange Parodyverse tale, but it in no way indicates major changes on the part of any usual plot line in progress. In other words, I got bored.

Adventures In Parodyverse - Moving In Part 1

    "Hmm." Yuki Shiro tilted her head as she carried, in both arms, bags filled with new clothing she was forced to purchase to replace the articles destroyed in her home. She didn't sound pleased at the quarters she'd been given at the Lair Mansion. "It's....cozy," she tried to sound upbeat in spite of the room's small size. "Could use more furniture," she noted at the sight of one bed, one table, and one chair.

    "When we get this place wired up it'll feel just like home," Al B Harper suggested. He carried with him two computers and the charger device Yuki used occasionally when she managed to drain the power supply for the electronic camo Al B designed for her.

    "Just don't blow any circuits," Yuki reminded him. "That's not a good way to repay the Legion's hospitality." She turned around for a moment when a small Chinese teen slipped past her and Al B and walked into the room.

    "It's so small," Liu Xi Xian commented as she looked around the room. She looked at Yuki and added, "Sir Mumphrey asked me to make sure you were comfortable. So..."

    When Yuki looked up again, the room was five times its original size, and had a private bathroom. It still lacked furniture, but was completely clean as well. "Very nice," Yuki smiled. "Thank you, Liu Xi--" She frowned when she realized that Al B was scanning Liu Xi, and the room, with some sort of device. "Al, ever hear that old saying about looking a gift horse in the mouth?"

    "Huh?" Al asked, suddenly snapping back to reality. "Oh, sorry. I'm...very interested in how she does that."

    "The in-between is made of energy," Liu Xi told him. "Energy has no respect for time or space. But when it is pulled into this plane it is forced to take a physical form." She pointed to the newly acquired room space.

    "I thought you didn't know how it worked?" Yuki asked.

    "Lara helped me explain some of it," Liu Xi replied.

    "But how do you make a room's interior dimensions bigger than it's exterior ones?" Al B asked. "Mathematically, it's just not possible."

    "Interesting," Liu Xi turned her attention to Al B, "because Manga Shoggoth told me how it is possible mathematically. But I didn't understand."

    Al B frowned. "Isn't something like that supposed to drive you insane?"

    "There is one thing you should know about the ways of Manga Shoggoth," Liu Xi explained. "If you try too hard to understand you will drive yourself insane. It is not his knowledge which does that."

    "How can you stand not questioning anything he does?" Al B asked.

    Liu Xi shook her head. "I do question. But I accept what I can't understand. If you don't accept it your brain tries to make it into something you can understand and then it makes no sense. That's how you become insane."

    Yuki smiled and looked at a very bewildered Al B Harper. "She's a smart one, isn't she?"

    "But how do you explain that?" Al B asked, pointing at a shimmering rectangular doorway which appeared in the center of the room.

    "It's the Hooded Hood," the cloaked man admitted as he stepped through the portal. "My sudden appearance is simply difficult for your formulae addled mind to grasp."

    Al B Harper stood there and blinked, unsure of how to respond to such a comment.

    "Indeed," the Hooded Hood said. He had calculated that a well placed intelligent insult would leave the archscientist speechless. He looked at Yuki Shiro - she was giving him a defiant expression, but her body language telegraphed her fight-or-flight reaction to his appearance. She would tolerate his presence as long as he didn't pose any physical threat to her. The Chinese teen Liu Xi Xian...her reaction was more interesting.

    Liu Xi seemed coldly angry rather than afraid.

    "You can't come here and harass my friends," she told the Hooded Hood in a somewhat threatening tone. When he focused his attention on her she quickly added, "I have considered the type of suffering you can inflict upon me for speaking. Do it if you must, but know that when released my revenge will be swift."

    "Doubtful," the Hooded Hood replied, sounding bored by her threat. Before the teen could dig herself in deeper, he continued. "Especially since you are the one I seek."

    "I thought you said you wouldn't ask her to join you again?" Yuki recalled.

    "I'm not asking." The Hooded Hood's eyes glowed green, and he and Liu Xi Xian were gone.

    Yuki cursed sufficiently to make Al B cringe for a moment. "I think we'll need help for this one Al."


---

    "What is the meaning of this?" Liu Xi asked angrily at first. But her anger diminished for a moment as she looked around at the interior of the Hooded Hood's throne room at Herringcarp Asylum. Scattered around were various ancient works of art and paintings.

    "Quite wasted on those who do not truly appreciate them," the Hooded Hood explained. He seemed to aim his next comment directly at her. "So much potential is wasted that way."

    Liu Xi frowned. "I am not being wasted. I choose to live the way I do."

    "Really." The Hooded Hood raised an eyebrow. "You live in the Lair Mansion at the mercy and whim of its residents. You have no means to support yourself otherwise. You would rather be more independent. To have nice things of your own."

    "I will," she replied. "Someday."

    "If you noticed," the Hooded Hood continued, "I didn't ask if you wanted to be more independent. I already know you do. It is for the good of the universe that you find that independence."

    "Bullshit!" Liu Xi surprised him with a sudden curse. "It is only for your good that you try to hurry me along. In the end I will suffer, people I care about will suffer, and the only one who will benefit is you!"

    He raised an eyebrow again and sat down, fingers steepled in front of him. "Quite right," he said. "And if you would have accepted when I asked nicely you would have had more choice in the matter."

    There was a long pause when Liu Xi stared at the Hooded Hood, her dark brown Asian eyes trying to burrow through his glowing green ones. "I can leave if I wish," she told him.

    "Of course you can." the Hooded Hood noted. "Through the Portal of Pretentiousness I can see wherever you go. I can go wherever you go."

    The Chinese teen frowned angrily and narrowed her eyes as impulse took over and she did the first thing that came to mind. "Not anymore," she said quickly...

    ...and the Portal of Pretentiousness grew smaller in the blink of an eye, vanishing in a split second. By the time the Hooded Hood turned, Liu Xi was gone as well.

    "Hmm." the Hooded Hood mused to himself. "The chase has begun. I only hope she understands what she has done."

---

    "You did what?" Al B Harper hyperventilated upon learning just what Liu Xi Xian had stolen. Yuki Shiro just looked confused.

    "Why? Is it hot or something?" Yuki asked. She inspected the shimmering portal floating in the middle of Liu Xi's personal quarters.

    "You know that big book that Lisa has?" Al B asked.

    "Yeah," Yuki replied. "The Booke of Law. What about it?"

    "It's an object of cosmic significance," Al B replied. "One of those things that can accidentally break the entire Parodyverse."

    "And you don't trust Liu Xi?" Yuki shook her head. "Shame on you, Al."

    "It's not that...it's...if you have an object with that kind of power...who...no, I mean, how many will be willing to destroy us all to get it?"

    Yuki looked confused again. "Isn't this better than the Hooded Hood being in possession of it?"

    "The Hooded Hood protected it as one of his prized possessions," Al B informed her. "He protected it, would never let anyone get near it. This is--" He shook his head. "--very dangerous indeed."

    "I can put it in the in-between." Liu Xi suggested. "Nobody can get there."

    "Not many can get there," Al B corrected. "You yourself found Lara Night, and she could. I therefore must theorize that others can too, if very few."

    "It is an extremely vast place," Liu Xi informed him. "It is unlikely one object will be found."

    "We can't take that chance, Liu Xi," Yuki warned her softly. "Don't you understand? The Portal of Pretentiousness...maybe the Hooded Hood abused it, but he protected it from those who would use it to destroy everything. All it takes is a small, tiny chance that maybe something will go wrong, and we're all screwed."

    "I see." Liu Xi frowned. "Then it is a big responsibility."

    "Are you sorry you took it?" Yuki asked.

    Liu Xi shook her head. "It had to be taken. I will have to keep it with me and protect it." She stared into the shimmering portal.

    "It won't be easy," a soft voice whispered behind them...

    ...and where they stood, the room suddenly became cold, and a stiff breeze came from nowhere, slamming the door of Liu Xi's room suddenly and violently. In the wake of the strange maelstrom stood what looked to be a form that was undeniably human female, but vaguely alien. Skin of crystalline white, lony silver hair, and eyes that seemed to glow the purest blue of the sea. She almost seemed to float rather than walk in her charcoal covered silk-like robes.

    Before she spoke again, it was made apparent that she had silken white wings as well, which carefully folded behind her. "The message is out, young one. None are safe around the Portal of Pretentiousness."

    "Who are you?" Liu Xi asked.

    "I am Faite," the woman told her. "I believe you are the first human to see me in my true form. I am a Guardian...I know who is coming to collect the Portal, and you will not survive the attempt. You must come with me, quickly! Bring the portal."

    "Why should I trust you?" Liu Xi asked. Yuki folded her arms, echoing the same sentiment with a glance but no words.

    "Because I was sent by Lara Night," the Guardian said.

---

    It was a low-tech solution, but it worked well enough. The Portal of Pretentiousness was carefully wrapped in a large bath towel and carried by Yuki Shiro - the only one in the group strong enough to carry its significant weight around as if it were nothing - as she, Liu Xi Xian, and Al B Harper watched the Guardian known as Faite seem to tear a hole right into the open air in the center of the room, leading to only darkness.

    "Follow me," Faite instructed.

    "I don't know about this," Al B Harper complained. "I get enough of this from Liu Xi, and I trust her at least."

    "If you stay," Liu Xi warned him, "Anyone who comes here will interrogate you. Probably painfully. If you trust me...please follow. I don't want to see you harmed."

    Al B Harper nodded and followed Liu Xi, who stepped through into the darkness without a thought, confidently.

    The other side of the 'hole' wasn't dark at all. In fact it was rather bright and sunny, and seemed to be in the middle of a grassy field with a nice refreshing wind.

    "What the hell is this?" Yuki asked first, obviously the most impatient one.

    "This is my home," Faite replied. "Well, I don't live in a field, of course...but this is a place in-between. It is a living abstract."

    "Living?" Al B asked, looking around nervously. "As in alive?"

    Faite nodded. "It expands, adapts, and even defends itself. It is cooperative to a point, but cross it and you will suffer."

    "And that's why this is an ideal place to leave the Portal for now," another voice added. This one didn't make Al B nervous - he'd seen and heard Lara Night around the Lair Mansion before.

    "I applaud that decision."

    Lara Night, Faite, Al B Harper, Liu Xi Xian, and Yuki Shiro all quickly looked each other over, trying to determine at first who interrupted their conversation. There was no one else around them...at first.

    But then just as they appeared, one man did as well. A man most of the recognized.

    "Marvellous Marv," Yuki announced his name. "So you're not a total fraud after all."

    "No," he replied absent-mindedly. Without speaking another word he waved a hand in front of Yuki's eyes. As she wore a momentarily dazed expression, he snatched the Portal of Pretentiousness and then stepped backwards the way he came in.

    Liu Xi seemed shaken, almost on the edge of tears. "What am I going to do now?" she asked. "I only wanted to teach the Hooded Hood a lesson."

    Lara smiled. "Marv only took it cause he wants to take his revenge on the Hooded Hood for retconning him so many times. I'm sure after he's done we can get the Portal of Pretentiousness back."

    "Don't count on it," Yuki warned. "When he sees the kind of power he has he won't give it up easily."

    "Indeed," the Hooded Hood agreed from somewhere in Herringcarp asylum.

---

    The Parodyverse is a very fragile, loosely fitted together universe with very a few powerful entities which control its fate. Those entities balance each other, and usually assure that no one of them has the ability to take too much control from the others. Occasionally they have to band together against one to assure their equal share of power.

    They have two main sources of power, usually. There is one kind that were practically born to be in a such a position, who wield so much natural power that they have no choice but to follow their destiny, or be forever challenged and threatened with destruction. Then there's the other kind.

    Normal, or semi-normal people who have been given, or have earned, an object of extreme significance to the balance of the Parodyverse. Because of their relative weakness to the true power brokers, the possession and use of those objects give them extreme benefits and extreme power. They have to, or those weaker people possessing those objects could easily be obliterated by someone much more powerful, and the objects collected and used to make an already powerful being unstoppable.

    "So you're saying Lisa's Booke of Law gives her extreme power?" Yuki asked during Faite's lesson.

    "When you think about it, sure," Lara replied. "It would give her the power to summons any of the power brokers in the Parodyverse and bring them to her territory. I'd say that's pretty powerful." Lara thought for a moment and then asked, "Faite, how do you know all of this anyway?"

    "I've watched conflicts between these powerful beings, and between those with the objects of cosmic significance for as long as I can remember," Faite replied. "It is a never ending battle." She looked at Liu Xi and added, "And I feel sad that someone as young as you has become involved."

    Yuki smiled mischievously. "I'd feel sad for her enemies if I were you. This kid is pretty powerful herself."

    "I know the extent of her abilities," Faite said. "But it will only help her if she is willing to test her own limits." She looked at Liu Xi.

    "To set things right again," Liu Xi whispered, "I am willing."

---

    "Marvellous Marv," the Hooded Hood introduced the man who simply appeared in his throne room at Herringcarp Asylum. "Amateur manipulator, smoke and mirrors deceiver." He leaned forward and added, "And fraud."

    The Hooded Hood didn't seem the least bit concerned in spite of the fact that a cloak of darkness fell over Herringcarp Asylum. Not just the visual kind of darkness...the type which made it impossible to see outside

    "I must assure you," the television psychic and dabbler in the dark arts replied, "My reputation doesn't precede me."

    "Indeed." The Hooded Hood leaned back again and steepled his fingers slowly. "You have managed to reverse some of my retcons somehow. Obviously you have contingency plans of your own."

    "I do," Marv nodded.

    "I assume you are here to confront me," the cowled criminal confidently spoke. "If so you should know that I have a contingency plan in motion for that as well."

    "I wouldn't expect any less," Marv responded. "After all, you are one of the most powerful arch-villains in the Parodyverse." He looked at the space on the floor next to him. "Or was, before a child took your most potent weapon."

    "Incorrect. Unlike you my most potent weapon cannot be taken from me."

    "I hear the Hellraisers managed it."

    "Once again you fail miserably." The Hooded Hood's eyes glowed dangerously. "Obviously you have seriously overestimated your abilities."

    "I don't see you retconning me," Marv pointed out. "Perhaps it's because you're not able to?"

    The Hooded Hood seemed amused at that. "Perhaps I simply take delight in watching your impotent attempts at taking power, and failing miserably over and over again."

    "I haven't failed," Marv replied without a single shudder.

    "On the contrary, Marv." The Hood smiled beneath his cowl. "You have already failed. For example, ask yourself this. Where is the Portal of Pretentiousness at this moment?"

    "No more talking to stall for time and distract me!" Marv fumed. "I've taken away your means of escape! You will have to face me!"

    "Indeed." The Hooded Hood rose slowly from his chair. "Then I shall face you. And you will fail."

    And then Herringcarp Asylum disappeared.

TO BE CONTINUED

-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Lara Night (C) 2005 by Jason Froikin, all rights reserved
-- All other characters property of their respective owners

Post By Anime Jason Sat Aug 06, 2005 at 07:29:37 pm EDT	Subject Adventures In Parodyverse: Moving In, Part 1

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